Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Heart Knows

My mum lives in a different country, so I haven't been able to celebrate mother's day with her in person in the past 7 years. Of course, you don't just appreciate your mum on this particular day only, but it also doesn't seem right to not celebrate it either (especially when all the other mums get acknowledged!)

I did call her already though since the time zone she lives in is half a day ahead of us. Now, I know I should call more often... I just never really like talking on the phone - if you call me, I'd happy to talk to you, but I hardly ever initiate a call because I don't like to intrude. My mum doesn't email or uses the internet, which is my preferred communication tool, so that lives the phone. Well I suppose I could write her the traditional pen-and-paper letter, or fax, or have the pigeon passes on the message. Yeah, excuses.

I know that she knows that I think about her though. We have a good relationship (not like a tiger mum!) so I do feel guilty being so far away. Since I left for the US 7 years ago, I only got to see my mum (and the rest of my immediate family) last year when my youngest sister got married. It's just a long and expansive trip to travel half the way around the world... modern technology definitely helps some, but still, it's not quite the same.

My mum's mum died when she was only 19 years old. I am very lucky I still have her. I miss her cooking. I miss her sewing (she's a great seamstress and made a lot of our clothes, or alternated them. Now - if my pants are too long? Wear high heels! If the length is just right? Wear flats!). I just miss her period.

I need to tell her that more often. Being a product of eastern and western cultures, I'm so Chinese in that way - not expressing our feelings. There is a Chinese saying, "the heart knows." I probably take it too heart a bit too closely.

Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there. Maybe one day I will understand what it means to be a mother, and would appreciate what my mum does for me even more.

I love you mum.

(I took this picture of my mum probably about 10 years ago now, not long after I got my first SLR camera. FILM camera, remember those?)

PS - I guess I get a dose of what it is like to be a mum when it comes to our 3 cats, I mean, I even speak "Catonese" with them (Cantonese is my first language) - all in their own 3 different dialects too mind you since they all meow differently! I never thought I'd carry on a conversation with my cats. They don't even meow to each other (apart from the occasional hiss)! I hope when I meow I am not promising them something I can't keep!

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